Kiddush @ Caulfield Synagogue

Caulfield Synagogue 572 Inkerman Road Caulfield (FREE)

The bible tells us that God made the Jews walk through the desert in circles for 40 odd years until they had atoned for their sins and could be let into the holy land.  Similarly, on Saturday mornings, God makes the Jews wait for about 3.5 hours until they can get into the Kiddush.  For those uninitiated, the Kiddush is a meal at the end of the Sabbath Saturday morning prayers, usually arranged by either a bar-mitzvah boy's or a groom's family.  

This particular Saturday followed a long night at my own going away party at the Espy, so I woke up particularly dusty, praying that I had slept in my suit so as to avoid getting dressed.  Unfortunately Saturday morning followed casual Friday at work so I had no such luck and proceded to find something respectable to wear to the synagogue.  

The great part of the synagogue is that you can sit with your mates and stare up at the bride and all her friends who sit above you, like deities.  The rest is relatively over-rated.  As soon as we hear the Rabbi winding up proceedings it's like there's been a fire and in George Kostanza-esque tradition, everyone is pushing over the women and children to get to the exit first.  

The Kiddush is in a big room and the table is heaving with the usual goodies.  Fish is generally the preferred option (so as not to breach the dietary laws of mixing meat and milk) and for those who are not fish eaters, I recommend staying away.  I was delegated responsibility for the groom's best mate (who is not jewish) and made a critical error of walking behind him near the food.  Having been to many of these, I appreciate there is no room for pleasantries and the elbows come out and you can physically move people out of your way to get to the table.   

This Kiddush food is one of the greats (oily sweet fried gefilte fish balls, herring, salmon, fried fish, horseradish and more).  I had devoured 3 small plastic plates-full before remembering my dignity and saying hi to the bride to be.  I looked at the traditional Johnny Walker shots and unusually declined in favour of hitting the desert spread which was equally impressive, particularly the mini-chocolate Babka.

$25 will get you a big brekkie, coffee and a juice at Los Chicas after a 30 minute wait for a table.  If you have a suit, a couple of hours spare and are strapped for cash, the kiddush is a great way to eat well for free (and meet girls).  What more could you want?